Article #105(continued from article #104)

Inconsistencies

the abuse that my father did to me

Friday june 1st 2018 3.15am  This is a continuation of what i spoke about in article #104. Some people
are trying to convince me to forgive my father for what he did to me.now all those that are trying to conv
ince me to forgive my father for what he did to me i have alot of good things to say about my father too.

Now if i look only at the bad things my father did to me then of course i will end up hating my father
because i am looking only at the bad things he did to me but if i look only at the good things my father
did for me then of course i will end up liking my father because i am looking only at the the good things
he did for me.i have alot of good things to say about my father & looking at the good things my father did
for me i give my father full credit for all the good things he did for me & looking at the good things my
father did for me he gets full credit for all the good things he did for me.now all the good things my father
did for me i have alot of respect for him for the good things he did for me but the harm my father did to
me is much more than the good he did for me.lets say you have a scale.on one side of the scale is all
the good things my father did for me & on the other side of the scale is all the bad things my father did to
me the side of the scale which has all the bad things my father did to me will easily outweigh all the
good my father did for me.if you have on one side of the scale all the bad things my father did to me &
on the other side of the scale all the good things my father did for me the side of the scale with all the
bad things my father did to me will easily outweigh all the good my father did for me.

Now looking also at the good things my father did for me maybe i can just speak about some of the
harm my father did to me & how the abuse my father did to me really messed up my life. maybe i can
speak about that also & i will tell you now what happened.

i am the 2nd oldest of 11 children.i look much younger but i am 51 years old turning 52 this coming
summer.my brother chaim he is the oldest i am the 2nd oldest my sister devorah kreiman from los
angeles is the 3rd oldest with 8 siblings younger than mrs kreiman.

Now like i said i am looking also at the good things my father did for me but the harm my father did to
me easily outweighs the good he did for me.when i lived in my parents house under my parents support

my father had a very abusive policy on me.if i would complain to my parents against any of my siblings
my parents would say to me like this.if you don,t like something here then you can leave.if any of my
siblings would complain to my parents against me i would always get into trouble for it.all of my siblings
know that they have the full freedom of starting up with me with absolutely no fear of getting into trouble
at all.some of my siblings took advantage of that & started up with me because they knew that they
were not going to get into trouble for it.this is called preferential treatment which means 2 people that
don,t get along & somebody who is in charge of both of them gives preferential treatment to one of
them over the other one.

Then i had problems with my father that had nothing to do with any of my 10 siblings.my father would
ask me a question that had different answers depending upon the situation.so i tried explaining to my
father that it depends upon the situation.in this situation it is this answer & in that situation it is that
answer.but my father would not let me explain that to him.my father would ask me to give him one
answer.then he would say that i refused to answer his question.then when i complained about how i am
being treated he would say to me like this.menachem you are over 18 years old i don,t have to support
you anymore if you don,t like something here then you can leave.

When i left my parents house 26 years ago at age 25 let me tell you what happened that day.the day i
left my parents house.it was shabbos by day.we were having the shabbos by daytime meal my father
started up with me at the shabbos table on front of my little siblings.the youngest one was a little baby
at that time.my father started up with me at the shabbos table on front of all of my siblings.this time i
had it enough i got violent took the lachteh that was on the shabbos table & smashed it on the floor.all
of my little siblings got frightened & started crying.my father then called the cops on me.when the
police arrived my father dropped the charges against me & that is the only reason why i was not
arrested.because my father dropped the charges against me.my father told everybody in my family
about how i smashed the lachteh on the floor & for several years after that i carried a bad name in my
family as the menachem that threw the lachteh.

I left my parents house not knowing what  was going to be with me.i just packed my things headed to
770 not knowing what was going to be with me.baruch hashem i got help right away & managed to get a
roof over my head.i was very close to becoming homeless.baruch hashem i got help right away & that
is the only reason why i now have a roof over my head.how i got help is a little personal but it was a
ness min hashomayim that i did manage to get a roof over my head.

3 days after i left my parents house my father called me up he was upset at me because i told people
that he threw me out.he then tells me that i am welcome to come to the house anytime i like & that i had
better stop telling people that he threw me out.this was 3 days after i left the house.my father then starts
calling me up all the time asking me to visit the family.at that time caller id was not so popular back then
so i had no idea who was calling me back then.now with caller id around i know who is calling so i can
decide weather to answer the phone or not.but caller id was not so popular back then.with all the phone
calls that i was getting from my father asking me to visit my family i decided to spend some time with
my family because of all the phone calls that i was getting from my father asking me to visit my family
again.spending time with my family my father continued to bully me in the house even though i was
there only for a visit.my father continued to start up with me even though i was there only for a visit &
when i complained about how he was treating me he would tell me that if i don ,t like something here i
can leave.eventually i stopped visiting my family & closed off the relationship with my father because of
how he was bullying me when i was there for a visit.

Now when i left my parents house 26 years ago at age 25 i was very depressed not only because of
what he did to me in the house but also because of all those phone calls that i was getting from my
father asking me to visit the family.being very depressed i thought that maybe if i start molesting children
that things would go better for me if i start molesting children.that is what went through my mind when i
left my parents house 26 years ago at age 25.& that is how i got into the mess that i am in right now.

Now when my father bullied me in the house he did not know that this was going to cause me to molest
children but he knew that it was going to get me depressed.maybe he did not know that it was going to
cause me to molest the kids but he knew that it was going to get me depressed.

Now like i said at the beginning of this article my father gets full credit for all the good things he did for
me but the bad that he did  to me which is

1)giving preferential treatment to his 10 other kids over me plus

2)saying things to me like that i am over 18 years old he doesn,t have to support me anymore & if i
don,t like something in this house i can leave plus

3)all those phone calls that i got from my father asking me to visit the family so he can bully me more
when i am in this house

4)got me very depressed & because of the depression that i was suffering from caused me to molest
the kids

all of this outweighs by far the good my father did for me & that is the reason why i am blaming my
father for everything that i have to go through right now because of jcw.because if my father would have
taken better care of me than he did my life would have been a whole lot happier than it is at right now &
i never would have had to go through everything that i have to go through right now because of jcw.&
that is the reason why i am blaming my father now for everything that i have to go through right now
because of jcw.

Now comes a little different topic.a little different topic & here it is.everything my father did to me the way it affected me by causing me to molest the kids & everything that i have to go through right now because of jcw that is one thing but let me speak about a couple of inconsistencies that i noticed in my father.the way it affected me by causing me to molest the kids & everything that i have to go through now because of jcw that is one thing but let me speak about a couple of inconsistencies that i noticed in my father.

1)when he gave preferential treatment to my 10 other siblings over me if he wants he can say that his
10 other kids are more important to him than i am.ok but in that case why does he want me back in the
house if i am not as important to him as his 10 other kids?plus

2)when i told people that he threw me out it may not have been that much the truth but it was not that
much of a lie either because of all the times that he said to me that i am over 18 years old he does not
have to support me anymore if i don,t like something in the house then i can leave & when he says
things like that to me that is a form of throwing me out.it might not be the same thing as physically
throwing me out but it is a form of throwing me out when he says things like that to me.plus a year
before i left he did throw me out a year before i left but took me back in that evening so when i told
people that he threw me out while it might not have been the 100% truth it was not that much of a lie
either.plus

3)when i smashed the lachteh on the floor he told everybody in my family about it.he told everybody in
my family how i frightened my little siblings by smashing the lachteh on the floor.ok understandable but
in that case then why does he want me back in the house then if i am such a violent person?3 days
after this happened he called me up asking me to visit the family.fine if i am such a violent person then
why does he want me back in the house if i am such a violent person?

4)when my father called me up asking me to visit the family he can say that he is mochel me for
smashing the lachteh on the floor but in that case why did he tell everybody in the family about it if he
is mochel me for it?

If my father can get back to me with an answer to everything that i spoke about in this article.

Now like i said at the begining of the article my father gets full credit for all the good he did for me but
everything that i spoke about in this article by far outweighs all the good he did for me.

Now as time goes on i am going to be speaking about this more & more & more as time goes on.

Menachem piekarski.(continues with article #106)